I feel like I should be angrier. But I just can't seem to get into it.
It may be that I'm just so relieved to be out, or it may be that I've just closed the door on that part of my life and it now seems distant and irrelevant.
This is not to say it won't be different tomorrow.
I don't feel guilty, or betrayed.
I do feel slightly self-indulgent.
This is likely, in part, because of some wanderings I've done online.
I went to a sex bulliten board that I'd lurked on for a while, and actually made a connection with someone.
We've talked a ton, she's just in baltimore, and is the perfect sub to my growing sense of being a dom (well, a switch, probably).
Its pretty amazing to feel lust again, to feel at home in my body and want another body beside it.
I don't know how long its been since I felt that.
She calls me 'Daddy', but not in that creepy age-play sort of way. In an affectionate, but respectful way. That is also nice.
The whole 'sir' and 'master' thing always felt silly and contrived to me. This word is more intimate and emotional for me, and that really works.
It'll probably be a while, but the idea of meeting her is intensely exciting.